spacey_stacey33

i just dont understand some ppl. and how theyre so willing to just throw their life away. basically fail school when theyre almost done. i care about my grades more than ever this last semester. i dont want my first choice college taking back my acceptance. im in, i have a very large scholarship, and i am keeping it that way. why give up when youre in the final stretch? im NOT going to allow my self to get bad grades. im not going to drop all my challenging classes. because yes, it IS worth it in the end. im going to go to a college that i LOVE, not one that i just have to settle for because i decided not to give a shit my senior year. and im going to actually be something. i dont understand how ppl can eff up their life. everyone always says they want to get the hell out of this town. well look. you effed up grades, lets see if you leave now. pretty damn hard to graduate if youre NEVER at school. i dont know. ppl just confuse me. and make me appreciate myself even more. and im happy that i care enough about my life to make it good. im doing well in school, and im very healthy both mentally and physically, which i cannot say about some other people. and i am glad that i havent let myself go. and i wont. i refuse. im am going to make sure i have a good future. i have goals. and i wont let go of tem until they happen. others almost make me sick that theyre just throwing their life away. why even bother anymore?

winter guard is over. thaaaaaaaaaaaaank god. i was so happy after our performance yesterday because it was the last one of the season, it was great. i so happy to be done with pussy, faker, "im going to leave you guys hanging out to dry and not give a fuck" breanna and "im going to be a bitch to everyone because i think im better even though im just a sophomore who doesnt know her place" katie. and both of them think theyre getting my captain spot next year. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH. they need a reality check. but im just so happy to be done. im happy i wont have to deal with ppl that i dont like anymore. im glad that i wont have to spent six hours at the least every week getting my time wasted. i can finally be productive every monday and thursday night doing homework or something. im glad that i dont have to deal with my body hurting for a few days at a time after rehearsal or show days. im just so glad to be DONE. it was disappointing that we didnt do very well in our last show, but really, i didnt expect otherwise. oh well, it doesnt matter now cuz its over. thank fucking god.

havent posted in a while, so why not?

not much to say about life in general, its fine.

i have guard on the brain, seeing as i just got home from rehearsal a while ago. im still pretty excited for the final product.

im a little irritated because there are two ppl in the guard being complete bitches to everyone and acting like theyre better than anyone else (when theyre clearly not, i mean come on, theyre on FLAGLINE.) anyways. and theyre both candidates for captain once im gone. and im not going to give hamblin a good report on either of them. they act like bitches and they dont pull their own weight. im ALWAYS picking up after their shit, and the 3 flags that we have on flagline are DIRTY because 1 practices while the other two sit there and bitch about the rest of the colorguard. and three flags have NO excuse for being dirty. i cant even believe it. ever heard of, hmmm, PRACTICE.

on the other hand. sabres fucking rock. im in love with my sabre, even though it likes to hurt me. i LOVE it. im so upset that soon were putting them down and learning rifle choreography. id spin sabre the whole rest of the show if i could. i fucking love it. and omg. k so alisha doesnt like beccas choreography so shes been choreographing her own stuff for us, and her choreography is AWESOME. its insanely fucking hard, but its amazing. were getting better at it, and i cant wait till we can nail all this shit. it is reeeeeealy hard though lol. tosses while were running.... tossing under our leg right before we catch behind our back... a toss literally AROUND our head. we have 11 tosses in 9 sets. well 10 tosses in 8 sets for everyone else. but i have a sabre solo where i throw a 5. ugh, nervewracking. lol. and it doesnt help that our song just has a really fast tempo. it bloooooows to try and so all this hard shit really fast. but i CANT wait till we get it down, its going to completely kickkkk asssss...

my arms are pretty. im afraid everyone at school thinks either my parents beat me, so im a closet emo cuz my sabres leaves what looks like cut marks. and of course theyre on my wrist/forearms. theyre sooooo beat up and colorful and swollen. its nuuuts. i cant believe how beat up they get cuz when it happens i dont even realize much. its crazy how high of a pain tolerance i have because of sabre lol. mannnn. sabre is freakin insane. but it is officially my most favorite piece of equipment EVER. love love looooove.

so. i like the snow and all, but it blows that i live on a hill and to get down you have to go down the icy hill of death. makes me wish that i lived in town. i wanna see my friends but i cant go anywhere. especially in my little jetta. it wouldnt even be able to make it out of the driveway with the amount of snow that our driveway is filled with. we have like almost a foot. i feel so lame, i havent even played in this shit yet. ive just sat inside trying to be warm. me and caroline might go play in it later today. its a good thing that caroline is one of my really really good friends cuz shes the only person ill be able to see, seeing as she lives across the street.

last night we went to the nutcracker. it was me and my parents and caroline and kris. originally it was just me and my parents but then OBT screwed some things up when we were ordering the tickets so they gave us two free tickets. so i asked kris and caroline to go with us. it was fun, we all got all dressed up. i love getting dressed up. i wish i took some pictures. i finally got to wear my cute little strapless black dress that i got from forever 21, and i wore some black heels and my long cream colored peacoat. i love dressing up lol. the ballet was AMAZING. omg the dancers are so beautiful. im glad caroline was with me cuz i know she appreciates stuff like that as much as i do, in fact porobably more. but i just wanted someone who would as much as i do at the very least. so i didnt feel as bad when i got all choked up watching them dance cuz caroline said she wanted to cry because they were so beautiful too. it was amazing. they did things so amazingly gracefully and effortlessly, and being in dance myself, i know how HARD and how much muscle and strenth all those things take, and yet they just pulled everything off so flawlessly. it was absolutely gorgeous. god i would kill to be any single one of those dancers. AHHHH. i just loved it so much!

after the nutcracker we went to the old spaghetti factory. i was so happy, we used to go there all the time when i lived in portland and i dont think ive been there once since we moved. i just got spaghetti and meatballs, what else would i get there?! :p and i drank like 3 strawberry lemonades, and had like 4 pieces of garlic and cheese bread, and a bowl of minestrone soup. they give you so much food lol. and then because my dress is so form fitting, by the time i started eating my spagetti, i wanted to vomit cuz i ate so much lol. i oculd hardly breathe. oh and then after i ate some of my spaghetti and boxed the rest up, they give you free ice cream. so i had a little dish of that. it was crazy. as soon as we got to the car i had caroline unzip my dress abot halfway down for the ride home. haha it felt so much better once i could breathe. oh how i love that place.

so. winter guard last year completely BLEW. i hated it completely. so naturally, i was not looking forward to this year at all. but then alisha told us that she would rather have a small, good group, then more ppl who really suck, so she was actually going to cut ppl! but then tonight, only 7 ppl including me showed up, and i will be SOOOOOO HAPPY if it just stays these 7 ppl. its the only ppl in our fall guard that i feel actually gave a shit about what they were doing. lucky number 7, thats where it should stay. and i hope no non guard ppl wanna join, cuz winter should be the one that alisha cares more about and that should be just the good ppl. ppl think its easier cuz youre just in a gym so its way smaller and its to a track of music so its not like you can get lost because the band ripped or anything... but its really not. like. its more like, all these things make it so theres that many less distractions. winter guard is completely focused on the color guard. so its really just that more intense. but tonight the people that showed up were me, kris, connor, brandy, katie, shelby, and breanna. i want it to stay this way. i really really really do. if it stays jut us, we have some good potential to seriously kick butt this season.

im actually excited for winter this year. what the hell?! lol.

hmmm. havent updated in a while... where to start? i think ill just do really recent stuff.

soooo. yesterday found out i made it into all state. i was pretty happy, but completely surprised at the same time. cuz the ppl at wibc didnt accept me. even though its easy to get into and i made it my sophomore year, and im WAY better than i was back then. but whatever, because i got into all state which is hella better. yeah for being one of the top 17 flute players in the state.

i have no energy lately. why? cuz ive hardly been eating. i eat about one meal a day and not any snacks. normally i eat breakfast lunch and dinner and constantly snack. lol im a pig, thank god i have a good metabolism or id be a fatty. but like lately, i have no idea whats up. absolutely nothing sounds good to me and i just dont wanna eat anything. it freaks me out cuz its so unlike me. i just want my appetite back. then ill start feeling better and have energy and be happy again.

today marching band had a performance at the middle school it was mostly to help recruit ppl for my senior project. im putting together a winter guard for the middle school kids. ive met with alisha a few times and we picked out a song. fall for you be secondhand serenade. love that song to death. alisha will be doing the drill, and i will choreograph everything, with help from alisha when i get stuck. annnyways. we went to the mid school to perform today and to help me recruit kids for my project, and so far ive got 12 girls signed up! :) then a bunch of teachers asked for flyers from me so they could hang them in their rooms and try and get more kids to sign up. it was cool. after the assembly when we waited in the cafeteria for kids to come sign up, a bunch of girl ran in and were like "color guard is sooooo cool!!!!" and they sounded so excited. that makes me happy. i know itll be hella stressful in about a month when i have to participate in the high school winter guard AND choreograph and instruct the mid school guard, but im really excited to get started. :)

tomorrow im going to a guard clinic. im way excited. i went to it last year and it was tons of fun, i cant wait to do it again. you can take any combination of four classes out of like 14 or so that they have to offer. they have beginning, intermediate, and advanced flag, rifle, and sabre. and then for dance they have beginning lyrical, beginning/intermediate hip hop, intermediate/advanced modern, intermediate/advanced african, and advanced weight sharing. i know for sure that im doing advanced flag and beginning sabre. i wanted to do lyrical but its beginning and i dont want a really easy class. so i might do modern. or hip hop, idk. and idk what to do for rifle. last year i did intermediate. and im way better now then i was last year. but idk if im ready for advanced. they tell you to pick a class above the level that you would be comfortable at. id be comfortable at intermediate. id want to be challenged, but i dont wanna be overwhelmed, you know? who knows. ill decide once i get there. but im way excited.

i actually really enjoy our show this year for marching band. i like the music. i like that its a happy show. i like that guard gets to be pretty and not weird. i like all our choreography. i like our flags. theres just a lot that i like. learned some new rifle stuff today. we have this ripple of tosses. and we each have a different one. its way cool. breanna does this lofty double, kristen does a double at the 45 angle, brandy does a double parallel, and then i get to throw a five :) im excited. the only thing that blows about it is that we have to throw while were moving lol. so i have to also push it forward so i can catch it after i walk forward a few steps. it also blows that rehearsals are dark, so we just kinda throw our arms out and pray that our rifles land in our hands hahaha. but im excited to get our show finished. should be pretty cool. i cant wait till our show is really solid. it has the potential to be really good. at least i know the guard really does. the band is doing way better this year so i think we might be able to do pretty well. im glad i can go out as a senior with a good year.

went to a guard clinic thing today. technically it was auditions for north by northwest independent open winterguard. but since i go to a high school that has a winterguard, im not allowed to march an independent guard. so for those of us who couldnt do it could attend as a 'clinic student'. it was intense. definitely challenging, but thats a really good thing. its impossible to get better if you dont try new things and challenge yourself. so i had a lot of fun learning a bunch of new stuff. we started out stretching... the stretches we went through were great. i loved them. then we did some across the floors. again, great and i loved them. and then becca taught us a dance. i really really liked it. i love dancing. we had lunch which was YUMMY. lol. sandwiches on croissants. so good. after lunch we had a weapon block. i realized that i can throw up to a 5 consistently. i have issues catching a 5 strong though. ryan said that i throw 5s perfectly, i just need to work on catching them. i thought that was pretty cool. we learned rifle choreography from jc which was CRAZY. man. it really was lol. then they didnt have us do sabre since they were throwing up to like 5s on sabre and ive only really spun it like one. so they had me kris, kendra, and anna all go with ryan and he taught us a cool little flag thing with a bunch of different little tosses that were all new to me and pretty cool. thennnnn.. everyone learned flag as a group, something else that jc choreographed and yet again, crazy. lol. but it was all still way cool. i love things like this. i cant wait for the real clinic thats actually called a clinic and its taught by the NxNW staff and members. that ones fun. its longer and we get lunch and dinner and we take four classes. im gonna do beginning sabre, prolly intermediate rifle (MAYBE advanced, but prolly intermediate), and advanced flag.... and either modern or lyrical dance, idk which one. im so excited.

i love guard. :)

thats just how i feel right now. how ive been feeling for a while actually. i hate so many things. i hate high school. i hate all the people in high school. i hate homework and how senior year is nowhere close to fun cuz i had to be stupid and decide to get my honors diploma so im swamped with hw from honors and ap and college classes. it sucks. only stupid seniors get to have a fun year. those of us who actually wanna do something with our lives get to have a shitty hw filled year. i seriously feel like between stupid rehearsal and all my hw i have no time to do anything that i want. in fact when i do have free time, i spend it sleeping. because along with being smart you also get NO SLEEP. i dont like english. i love schmor but his class is entirely too boring. stats is fine, im just really behind cuz i was gone the day that we took the test so i still have to take that and turn in the hw. band is boring. econ is BORING. senior projects is a waste of time. french went from being my fave class to one i hate because there are like 6 seniors and over 20 juniors. we only had 8 ppl total in our class last year. i hate how it got so much bigger and theyre all stupid juniors and i hate their class. theyre so stupid and annoying. they say the stupidest shit thinking that theyre being funny and its just like no, shut the hell up. ap euro is STRESSFUL. i like it when were in class cuz ayers is awesome and cracks me up, but the class is VERY stressful. and then physics. ahhhh physics. ok so its fun cuz its an independent study with four other ppl and i love small classes. so a class of five is awesome. and grooms a cool teacher. but since were not really a real class he doesnt really teach us. and me and brittany are SO lost. i know i completely failed the test. and i did crappy on the hw that ill have to turn in late cuz i lost it. but omg. im so worried about that class. i dont get it AT ALL. im having ten times of a harder time with physics than i did with precal last year. its so awful.

im so ready to get the hell out of here. i mildly broke down earlier. had a little freakout moment. i think its stress/sleep deprivation. because that makes me extremely irritable. and EVERYONE was pissing me off and i just couldnt take it anymore. im surprised i didnt let it all out completely. i hated everything and everyone today. i was in the WORST mood ever. i hate st helens. i hate it. i hate everything in it. its the stupidest most useless town. i hate all the people in it. its entirely too hard to find someone who is even remotely close to being somewhat intelligent. people here take pride in being complete dumbasses and are ok with the fact that theyre gonna be stuck in this shithole for the rest of their lives. i need college so i can leave! i HATE everything about st helens and all the people who live in it. HATE. i want to go back to portland NOW. it wasnt that bad when i first moved here. i never thought id be the stereotypical city girl who moves to the country and cant stand it and feels like she needs to go back to the city asap. cuz for a while it was ok. but towards the end of last year, and now so so bad this year, i just want to LEAVE. i want my portland back. i want to be in the city again. i would be ok if i never saw another hick or farm animal ever again. I HATE THIS STUPID WHITE TRASH TOWN! GET ME OUT NOW.

on a lighter note... i got my right splits the other day. i was pretty proud of myself.

im gonna go take a shower. before i have another mental breakdown.

spent 12 hours STRAIGHT working on my ap euro yesterday. this is why you dont put it off till the last few days lol. tonight i have to write three essays and study about forty vocab words for a test that well have tomorrow, the first day of school. i think ayers hates teenagers lol. this is cruel. kill me now. thats all im gonna say.

hmmm. i dont really know what im gonna talk about. i just felt like getting on and talking about something. ugh. like AP euro. what kind of devil class do you get hw in the summer before you take the class?! stupid. i need to get on that. its like 80 questions and three essays and a crap load of vocab. i have less than 30 questions done. yaaaay. please excuse me while i bash my head in. stupid stupid stupid. why do i want my honors again? because of it i have to take this demonic class. and an independent study in physics cuz its during band just like ap bio is, but they wont let me take an independent study in ap bio. which is a class i actually WANT to take. i dont wanna take physics. i dont give a shit about physics. im gonna be a nurse. i think i need biology more. just a LITTLE. ugh. i hate my stupid school. i cant wait to get out of this stupid useless white trash hick town. I HATE HICKS. ugh. so much. you dont even know. i could go off forever about how much i HATE them. what do you expect though, im a city girl from portland. and as soon as im done with school guess where im moving back to? PORTLAND! whatever. today my parents told me that were prolly gonna go to mexico a few days after christmas this year. yay. and i can take a friend. another yay. but they dont know for sure yet :\ sooooo.... they told me to hold off on inviting anyone till they know were 100% going. but someones gonna loan us their condo thing i guess, so i dont see why we shouldnt go lol. we wouldnt have to pay for a place to stay. its not the usual spot we go to for mexico though. usually we go to puerto vallarta... this time its gonna be mazatlan. so cool? i guess? man. im so ready for college. but i dont wanna apply for fear of rejection. even though im taking all advanced classes and im getting my honors diploma and my gpa is still a 3.6 and i did pretty well on the SAT. idk why im freaking out. and i dont wanna be a senior. theres lots of things that are a pain in the ass that seniors have to do. there are also a lot of really emotional things. im so not ready for it.

im going to bed soon. nighty night.

im pretty sure my wallet got stolen tonight at rehearsal. im almost positive that i saw it in my purse when i got gas RIGHT before i went to rehearsal. i never took it out of my purse. i havent for a long time, since sometime during band camp. my purse was in the cafeteria all rehearsal and i got home and its gone. it doesnt make sense to me cuz my camera and brand new phone were in my purse too but theyre not missing. i searched my car. i drove back to the high school to see if i dropped it in the parking lot and i didnt. so its either somewhere in the school even though i cleaned up the areas we were in before i left, or someone took it right out of my purse. i think its the latter. unfortunately. so tomorrow my moms taking me to the school cuz itll be open and im gonna check it out one last time. if its not there then were going to the dmv to get me a new drivers license. then were going to the bank to cancel my credit/debit card. thats about the only things that were in there that are replaceable. its kind of depressing. i have things in there that are personally important to me. like it had a thing to hold pictures. so all the senior pictures ive gotten from friends from the past two years are in there. those are the only things i have to remind me of my old friends that i almost never see anymore. i have other personal stuff that people had given me that i kept in there. fuck, i just realized my health care card thing was in there too. so i need a new one of those so ill always have it on me. this is just fucking fantastic. thank you, life. ive been thinking enough lately that life hates me, this is a nice topping to the past few days. THANKS.

as soon as i graduate, im never coming back to this hell hole. my mom can kiss my ass. ive always been so sick of her and she just continues to push me over the edge. i hope she enjoys being completely disowned. not like the process hasnt started already, im closer to other ppls moms and consider them more of a mother than i do my own. maybe once i decide that when i move out and never talk to her again because no one is forcing me to, MAYBE shell realize that being an insane psycho bitch to people actually does have its consequences. my dad doesnt deserve all communication to be cut off so i hope i can find a way to still talk to him and not my mom, cuz he doesnt deserve it. funny thing. so last night i had this awful dream. it was about some guy coming into our house with a gun and like keeping my family hostage in our own house and acting like he was gonna kill us. it was really horrible cuz it was one of those dreams that feels real that scares the hell out of you. and in the dream whenever the guy would come close to killing my dad i would start screaming and begging him not to and completely freaking out, and with my mother it was like nothing. i cried more in the dream when the guy threatened to kill my dog. funny how your dreams always show what your sub conscience feels. i cant even believe how much i hate my own mother right now. how its possible to hate someone that much. especially because i dont hate people. i guess it shouldnt surprise me that shes the one who changed that. i dont even know how to describe how i feel. im just so insanely sick of her. i wish she would go away. i wish she would actually care that other people have feelings and that she cant just be a bitch and put you down and make you feel like shit without doing some damage. oh well. shell learn in a little over a year what shes done.

sooo i dont even know when the last time i posted was so whatever, ill just briefly cover some things lol. i got my brace off a while ago. got some weird tan lines from it, blah. it felt really weird to not have the brace at first. now i think im mostly back to waking normal. occasionally ill get told it looks like im trying to walk normal but im still not walking completely normal. uhmmmm. visited oc lots while they were in scappoose. im sad. lol. im gonna miss lots of ppl... like josiah lol. he was a cool kid. he kept me company while oc rehearsed and was a good movie buddy. i like having something to do and someone to hang out with and talk to while i watch them rehearse so its not quite as boring. and ill miss lukas lots too! we had parties in the morning lol. not really. wed just talk and maybe hang out with rick, but still! and everyone else. like my guard girls. there arent many this year, kelsey and amanda. seeing as amanda was like the only nice southridge girl that would actually talk to the rest of us. lol but ill miss them lots! and kenny... he was fun to hang out with, when he wasnt trying to steal my dog lol. i swear, he was gonna end up stealing him away from me and id never get him back! lol. i wish i could go to finals :( i wanna see everyone again. yesterday was a sad day. i was there all morning while they rehearsed and then said bye to them as they got on the bus. i managed to not cry! lol. it was hard though. i just wanna go. i wanna march. i hate my leg. it needs to heal soon so i can do stuff. and dance. i wanna dance soooooo bad. and i need to fill in these tan lines. i tried the other day by sitting out in the sun during afternoon block watching oc, and for some reason the sun only got half my leg. so now i have my horizontal stripes from the brace and vertical stripes from the stupid sun not filling me in all the way. grrr. i dont really know what else to talk about. other then now that oc is gone im soooooo freakin bored and have no idea what to do with myself. BLAHHH! :p

soooo. im happy and unhappy at the same time. i went to my doctors today. he told me that i dont have to wear my brace anymore. that made me happy cuz i was getting so tired of it and ive had it for almost two months and i was only supposed to have it for one month. so yay its gone. BUT. i have to go to physical therapy three times a week. which i would be fine with, physical therapy is a good thing and its definitely necessary to get my leg back to normal. but... my insurance doesnt want to pay for it. at all. they said i reached the max money for physical therapy with my last surgery. and even though its a new injury, they still wont cover it. so my doctor is gonna send the insurance company a letter saying that its completely necessary and they said that sometimes that will convince the insurance to cover more money. cuz i definitely need it. my knee is in such bad condition right now. way worse than last time i had surgery. if they dont pay for it im screwed. it costs $100 per visit which is way more than we can afford with the frequency of visits that i need. blah. im kinda nervous about that. i hope that turns out good and my doc can convince them that its necessary.

okkk.... so OC show last night. cool i guess. i thought they did better at all days, maybe everyone was just nervous... who knows. but it was ok. and they got a 71. and i heard theyre in third for open class, soooo.... cool. bd and phantom were cool. i wanna go to finals so bad now! they did good with their encore thing and america the beautiful... i saw lots of ppl i missed. hung out with ian before the show since we got there like 2 hours before it started. got to see all my oc friends after the show. there are so many ppl that i didnt wanna leave. i miss sleeping by kelsey and amanda. i miss hanging out with my guard girls. i miss chilling with lukas and josiah every morning block cuz we had nothing to do. this sucks. i wanna ish go somewhere else next year but at the same time i ish wanna stay. if it was up to my parents im going somewhere else next year. i dont know. and all my friends are gonna be there. i dont even know, it makes me sad. i dont like saying goodbye to my friends.

stupid phil.

ive been sick the past two days. yesterday i had an insanely high fever and was trying my hardest all day to suppress that whole 'omg im gonna throw up' feeling. and the thing i hate the most about being sick is sometimes you get that weird thing where its not even that hot but you feel like youre just sweating like crazy. prolly just from the fever or something. although i never got the chills. anyways. i managed to avoid throwing up all day, which came back to bite me in the ass. i stayed up late on the phone (bad idea) and once i got off i just laid there for a minute and rolled over and threw up all over my bed. i felt really bad cuz my mom came in my room and cleaned it up for me. and it was like 5 am. so then after that i went to sleep and stayed in bed till about 2, which prolly helped. i hardly have any fever now and its a lot easier to eat. its weird it wasnt like the flu or anything cuz i only threw up once, sooo i dont really know what caused it.

it doesnt help that my knees been hurting for some reason lately. like, its been in this brace for a decent amount of time, youd think that it would be pretty ok by now. but last night laying in bed it hurt. sometimes in bed when i shift myself around a little to get more comfy i randomly get this sharp pain like i twisted it, but i cant twist it in this brace. i get that twisting feeling sometimes when i walk too. WHAT GIVES?! i just want this whole knee thing to be done so i can have a normal life again and do what i want without my knee limiting me and be pain free!

at least im excited for tomorrow. and also for later into the summer. whoo!

AND. its the 20th. 10 days till i get my brace off :)

im in suuuuch a good mood right now. school was officially out yesterday. but i had to go in earlier today to finish up some stuff in precal, return some books, that inda stuff... so i went to go see mcatee annnnnd i ofund out that i got an 85 on my precal final and i got a B for the semester!!! whoooo. im so happy about that, i barely even passed it last semester and this semester i actually got a GOOD grade! im happy. and then last night, me and caroline went to the movies and it was amazing. we went to go see the strangers. its the scariest effing movie i have ever seen!!! lol. like, scary movies generally done actually SCARE me. i usually just sit there and watch it like eh w/e, its cool. but last night, omg lol. me and caroline were holding on to each others arms the whole time and we both screamed really loud like five times haha. it was kinda funny how badly we were scared. and then caroline asked me for a milk dud cuz we bought a box of them. and she started making fun of me cuz she went to get one and they were all flat, cuz i was holding the box and was like squeezing i whenever i got scared, and i guess i just squeezed it too hard cuz i squished them all lol.

baaaaaaah. good mood. lol.

god i always hate graduation. i was perfectly fine. and i was thinking "hey, im doing pretty good this year, sweet" cuz i cried tons last year and i wasnt crying so i thought that was pretty cool. and then i saw caroline and was like OMG and it all just came out. im gonna miss her more than anybody who has ever graduated. ive known her longest, she been my best friend forever, weve got in almost no fights the whole time weve been friends. shes the first person i met when i moved out here. it just sucked. we saw each other, yelled each others name out, ran and hugged and i just started bawling. she was trying to hold it in, she kept telling me not to cry cuz i was gonna make her lol. it just sucks. i hate graduation, that one moment made me so sad.

bleh. so.... banquet was ok i guess... didnt particularly want to give that speech thing but hamblin wanted me to so i hope it was good. god, i kept getting really annoyed cuz i would get called up for something, and its like AGH i dont wanna get up anymore! lol. i felt like a tard walking in front of ppl lol. luckily it hasnt hurt me as much as it did yesterday. well, throughout the day it didnt. but now that im just sitting here at home with ice on my knee, yeeeeah i feel it. ouch. cant wait till im done with knee problems. huuuuuuurts. ugh. on the plus side im at home so i can take my vicodin now and it doesnt matter if it makes me sleepy cuz i dont really need to focus on anything. although i do have to do some hw later :\ bleh. im so ready for school to be OVER. its so weird how fast this school year has gone by though, god. but im ready to be done. im so tired of schoolwork. hope my grades are decent. i might actually get a B in precal, that would be exciting. other than that i think my grades will be perfectly fine. not too worried. i think ill prolly end up with 4 As and 4 Bs. im ok with that. whatever. i jsut want to be DONE.